"hello, ket, this is swamiji speaking. are you free to talk?" his voice was easy and slow, and it took me straight away from the frenetic office environment i was in. "yes, swamiji.." my blood was rushing. it was an exciting occurence. earlier, bavani had called me earlier to invite me to play the sage viswamitra in the singapore performance of the ramayana. she had assured me that everything would be taken care of. i would only need to take leave from work.
"ket, i want you to come to singapore. you and geetha and hari. you will stay with me, and i have spoken to the journalists in singapore about you. they are waiting to interview you." i was curious. did i need this? did i send out any signals about wanting any publicity for myself?
i had been bowled over by the whole experience of the ramayana that swamiji created in november 1992. for the first time in my life, i could experience something mystical - the role of the sage viswamitra in his relationship with rama and lakshmana. moreover, right now, it seemed to me that swamiji was going all out to bring me and geetha to singapore to reprise the role, and get geetha to rehearse the dancers there for the janaka's court scene of odissi dancers which she had choreographed. so why would i need a bait like this?
"yes, swamiji, bavani had spoken to me, swamiji. and i will come," i quickly offered. and not without excitement. "you will be staying with me, ket. i will take care of you and geetha," he said simply, but already i felt something tremendous was to happen. what was it? i became even more curious.
in singapore, the show went on with much colour and excitement for all of us. the tremendous experience i had expected did not happen. the morning before we left for kuala lumpur, we went to a bookshop and bought some nice books. one of these was autobiography of a yogi by yogananda. earlier i had not had the desire to read it but this time the book was beckoning from the shelf.
back in kuala lumpur, i began to flip through the books we bought and decided that when both geetha and hari had gone to bed i would start reading. one night, past midnight, i casually opened the autobiography of a yogi... within its pages came forth thoughts, ideas and explanations of the beautiful, mysterious and mystical life of a seeker... and i began to understand who swamiji was... and seeing it clearer, it dawned on me with increasing excitement and joy that there was hope for me. each night i would devour pages of this book with overflowing happiness and gratitude with the knowledge that it was possible for me to experience the love of a guru. he had come to me in the form of swamiji.
i knew then this was the tremendous experience he wanted to give me.
this book spoke of the otherworldly relationship of the guru sishya manifest in this mundane world. how a life of deeper spirituality of the seeker is only possible with the loving guidance of a guru. the key word here is "loving". for compared to all relationships, none can come close to this special relationship of the sishya and his guru. this love for another that springs from an ocean of all embracing compassion... these words are not sufficient...
it dawned on me that my search - for what i had not known - had finally brought me to the feet of someone whose love for all who came to him cannot be measured. did my heart tremble with joy? yes! an understanding, an awareness, a sort of seeing experience i had never felt before, never imagined before, came upon me.
i had come to where i had wanted to be. i had reached the destination from where my journey would begin... he had held out his hand to me... and taken mine.
this is how i remember his love. my swamiji who loves me.
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