Remembering Love 1

"hey, ket, if you have the time, swamiji wants to see you," vasu revealed to me, watching me for resistance. i was curious, of course. this swami who seemed to have everyone eating out of his hands. who appeared to have their minds, his devotees, (how wrong i was).

i was just a dance student here at the temple of fine arts, having found myself liking it - its otherworldliness, so far removed from the stressed out corporate world of advertising and consumerism - and then, i was also informed by my dance teacher, vatsala sivadas, that swamiji wanted to see me.

curious. fascinated. i was eager to find out the reason for his singling me out. when i did approach swamiji a few days later about when i should meet up with him -"anyday or time, ket, when you are free," he said. i offered the coming saturday, 24th december. he said that 4 o'clock would be good for him.

that saturday morning, a certain calm, and yet, a slight sense of excitement was stirring inside when i made preparations to do the laundry at home. in a huge basin of water filled with soap bubbles, i found myself holding the water hose and drawing a six pointed star in the foaming bubbles. strange. it was the star of david.

that afternoon, in his office, swamiji began to tell me of how he wanted to do a homam on 1st january 1990 for dancers. and i was to take part in it. in his explanation of the homam, he began to draw pictures - and he drew a six pointed star. a single dot he placed in the dead centre of this diagram, explaining that offering ghee and fuel into the homam fire was in fact offering to the self - the dead centre.

a part of me was transfixed. another part of me was questioning. what did this man do? did he read my mind? or did he plant that thought in my head earlier that day? was he going to hypnotise me and take over my mind? something then told me that i need not be afraid, for nothing could harm me.

it was christmas eve, after all. and from that day onwards, i found myself eschewing cigarettes, alcohol and meat. without effort. and while my friends wanted to party on new year's eve into the wee hours of the morning, i chose my bed so that i could rise at 5 before dawn, to attend the homam.

what happened after the homam? nothing. nothing i could discern. except that i was aware of something else within. what it was i couldnt know or describe. how ignorant i was, then. and how wonderful it became. with the little i know now, i believe he made me take a step towards something very special. a life of great love and great awareness. without my knowing it, he took my hand and led me to a path of immeasurable richness - treasures of the spirit, an awareness of giving and thankfulness.

now looking back, it would seem that he was creating a connection with me, or reestablishing a connection that was from a different time. and though, i had gone on my way with my life then, circumstances over the next year brought me back to him.

in 1991, april 10th it was, when geetha and i brought our wedding invitation to him out of courtesy, he quickly set aside the work he was doing, to announce to everyone around him that geetha and i were getting married. he told us then that we were very blessed for among us then was a kashi vadhyar who had come, and swamiji would ask him to recite a mantra to bless our impending wedding. a silk sari, groom's dhoti, kumkum in a silver peacock box, and the loving looks of the dance teachers, together with the sonorous chant of the priest, presided over by swamiji, we were "married" there and then.

i knew that he was blessing us. but i did not know how deep and profound this was until much later. laughingly, he said, "now you are married. you did not have to go to kashi because kashi (referring to the priest) has come, and you won't even have to worry about the wedding ritual now!" someone we hardly knew, so eager to show kindness and concern.

what a strange man! inspired by god-knows-what to do such things!

now i know what inspired him.

this is how i remember his love. my swamiji who loves me.